Peter, Paul, and Patek Philippe
The Morality Of A Revivalist In A Rolex And Other Harsh Critiques Unpacked
I just got off a call with the guy who founded Prophets and Watches—the Instagram account that surgically dissects photos of preachers mid-sermon, mic in one hand, a timepiece worth more than your house on the other. These photos usually catch them mid-sentence, delivering some alliterated axiom that sounds profound but means absolutely nothing.
Alliteration is the poor man’s rhetorical device.
They’d rather build a pyramid of P’s than be precise.
So is it any wonder our sermons are a joke?
A litany of rhyming schemes, meta memes, and smoke?
(See what I did there?)
Fun.
Prophets and Watches piggy-backed off what Preachers and Sneakers was doing—but it’s more savage, more niche.
It takes a certain kind of person to notice a $1,000 pair of sneakers.
It takes a whole other kind of sicko to spot a $50,000 watch from a grainy livestream screenshot.
Honest moment? I came up so broke I didn’t know the value of shoes or watches.
The shoes were more obvious—even poor people in America know about Jordans.
But the watches?
Most folks didn’t even realize a watch could cost that much.
Women have Birkins and boob jobs.
Men? Men flex harder.
And nothing flexes like an AP Royal Oak slipping out from under a cuff during a prayer for the nations.
“So how did you even start the account?” I asked.
“Preachers and Sneakers posted a pic of John Gray, and everyone lost their minds over his $800 Jordans—
nobody said a word about his $20K Rolex.
I made the account that day.”
“Are you a hater?”
“Nah, man. I’ve actually become good friends with a lot of these guys.”
Turns out, the more he talked to these pastors, their friends, their teams—the more he actually befriended them—
his views changed. Dramatically.
Here’s some stuff worth knowing about many pastors and their watch collection: