While My Qatar Gently Weeps
What To Do When WW3 Breaks Out, Reading Revelation Historically, And The Best Biblical Indicator Of The Return Of Christ
We’ve got a ceasefire—and within hours, predictably, someone forgets what “cease” means.
Not exactly shocking.
Will things escalate? Maybe. But let’s not wet our eschatological pants just yet.
There’s that quote—“If Jesus were coming back tomorrow, I’d plant a tree today.” It slaps so hard you can hear it echo off the cul-de-sac. People say it’s Luther. It’s probably not. But it should be. That kind of raw, Protestant spine-in-the-face-of-doom energy? Iconic.
So say WWIII is tap dancing outside your window in steel-toed boots. So what?
My grandmother lived through World Wars I and II. You know what it made her? Unimpressed. Strategic. Extremely into canned goods. She didn’t become hysterical; she became competent. She became the kind of person who stockpiled flour and prayed like God was listening.
Jesus didn’t come back then either, by the way.
Imagine the entire planet lighting itself on fire, and Jesus is upstairs, deep in a cosmic Monopoly game, like, “Not now, Dad—I just mortgaged Mediterranean.”
What makes you think one more war’s gonna break His schedule?
Also, fun fact: fewer people die in modern wars now. Statistically. Historically. It’s actually gotten harder to trigger the end times. Sorry.
Forget nukes. The United States once fought itself, and the casualty count from the Civil War alone was higher than World Wars I & II, Korea, and Vietnam combined. We absolutely butchered each other with bayonets and band camp brass instruments, and what did it give birth to?
Three eschatological cults—all proudly, stubbornly American:
Seventh-Day Adventists
Jehovah’s Witnesses
Mormons
Because when things get truly grim, Americans don’t duck and cover—we write Revelation fan fiction.
The 1800s were an apocalyptic fever dream of disease, despair, and theological improvisation. People were convinced Jesus was coming back.
He didn’t.
Several thoughts:
First, when you let world headlines set the pace for your eschatology (that’s your doctrine of the End Times—pronounced ESS-ka-tology if you want to sound like you paid attention in seminary), you go wonky. Swiftie. It-puts-the-lotion-on-its-skin crazy. You start interpreting Scripture like it's a geopolitical gossip column.
And wouldn’t you know it—Dispensationalism was born at the exact same cultural moment as the aforementioned end-times cults. Adventists, Witnesses, Mormons—all mid-1800s, all swimming in the same stew of post-plague despair and industrial-revolution anxiety.
Coincidence?
Of course not.
Every time there’s a war, a blood moon, or a poorly translated U.N. resolution, Dispensationalists pop their heads out like fat kids who think they heard someone say “pizza.” It’s spiritual pareidolia—you see what you’re primed to see. The same mistake as the cults… only with better Trinitarian footnotes.
Now, nuclear headlines?
Russia says it’ll sell nukes to Iran. Trump tweets like it’s 2016. Everyone else reaches for the nearest tinfoil hat or prepper podcast. And the question lingers:
How are we supposed to live under that kind of weight?
So how are you supposed to live under that kind of weight?
And how did—I dunno—ALL OF CHRISTIANITY read Revelation before the 1850 Club started taking cartoonish liberties with the text?
And more importantly—what is the single greatest indicator that the return of Christ is near?
Here’s what I think:
